Monday, November 15, 2010

Conversations with Chestnut Mares

Scene: Deli and tramping down a peaceful trail in the light drizzle so commonplace to Portland Oregon. Everything seems to be going well until I feel Deli tense underneath me.

Marie: You okay?

Deli: Something is not quite right here… [cue dragon-snort]

Marie: Nope, I didn’t ask you to trot… sideways?!

Deli: Fuck. Oh no. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. [What a dirty mouth this one has!]

Marie: [Noticing a wide but shallow puddle in front of us] Deli, stop being retarded, we just tromped through about a dozen puddles of the same depth and diameter.

Deli: Maybe cantering sideways on my bad leg through these ferns will appropriately communicate my INTENSE MALAISE? 

Marie: What. Is. Wrong. With. Your. Brain?

[At this point I’m looking around for what in the world could be spooking her and I spot a huge fresh paw print in the mud next to the puddle — clearly a cougar has been here recently.]

Deli: KITTY!

Me: Oh. Well, I suppose that makes sense. [Looking up the forested hill I catch a glimpse of a tawny, faintly spotted hindquarters disappearing into the brush…]

Me: Look, Deli, you scared it away!

Deli: [Immediately calmer] Oh, well, yes. I AM totally frightening. [Prances around the puddle with neck arched, blowing dragon-snorts with every puff of white breath.]

Me: Drama queen.

Deli: Oooh! Tasty grass ahead.

In conclusion: she was actually quite good, considering cougars are one of a horse's few natural predators. After this encounter she needs to suspiciously sniff each puddle we encounter, but otherwise we are none the worse for wear. And she may be the most intelligent horse (heck, she easily ranks in the top-10 for the most intelligent person) I have ever known, but she has a serious case of ADD.

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